Understanding The Dating Market

I think understanding how the dating market works will help you understand a lot of why things work in certain ways. Have you ever encountered some advice that just works without knowing why? This article probably have the answer.

While it is not useful nor practical to know the underlying structure of the dating market, understanding the dating market can help use prioritize and understand what is important and what is not.

The Dating Market Is An Auction Market

The dating market is specifically, a first price sealed bid auction. That means that you present your value (attractiveness) to the girl, without knowing what is your competition behind the scenes. How she selects her boyfriend is therefore, choosing the one with the highest attractiveness.

This is great news, because as opposed to the winner takes all market, there will always be room for our involvement. It just depends on whether you are the most attractive among other men trying to do the same thing as you.

We use the term "value" to show how much demand we have, for someone to have higer demand, means that they can capture more interested parties (bids). We understand these bids as our "competition." The girl herself knows her value, so if the bids are unattractive and below her expectations, she will wait for a better opportunity (bid) to be submitted.

A lot of what women do is just waiting to find the highest bid, I will explain how to be the highest bid in a moment. Because the offers that are made have a timeframe before they are retracted, she has a timeframe of urgency in which to capture opportunities. This is why women sometimes mismatch and break up.

This sense of urgency is reflected in tension. As a high value man who have pre-selection (demand), will force her to have to give up more and more (speed of escalation) to prevent you from retracting your bid and taking your business somewhere else (other women).

This is why neediness is unattractive. Neediness implies that you are low value through a lack of competition. When a woman understands that you are needy, the dynamic flips. You will have to give up more and more (commitment) to prevent her from retracting her bid to take her business somewhere else (other men).

Therefore, to win in a first price sealed bid auction, we have to be of high value (attractive) to generate demand. The second step is to find offers by marketing our value (social circle/cold approach/online). Then we introduce competition (pre-selection) to increase concessions from buyers (the speed of escalation to sex). After that, we "close the sale" by choosing one girlfriend.

A High-Touch Market

Because the dating market involves trust (comfort), no one man or woman can ever hold a monopoly over the dating market. Everybody has a unique taste and personality, which leads to fragmentation. These fragmentation is what we call "niches" or in layman terms, "my type."

This means that you cannot be the most attractive man in all niches (monopoly), you can only concentrate your efforts in becoming the most attractive man in one singular niche. This singular niche is known as your authenticity. Because only one of you exist, your value is infinite when shown to the right buyer.

This is why pickup encourages polarization. It is to quickly weed out people who are not interested in our value in hopes of finding the right type of person who does see our value and appropriately, submits a bid (hook point).

How can we explain then when she slowly thinks we are no longer attractive (IOD) if our value is infinite? This can be explained by how we frame our value. Our frame shows her clearly the terms and conditions (who you are) of exactly what she is signing up for. By framing authentically, we position the offer to be of infinite value (because it alligns with authenticity).

Comfort is the process of due diligence, whereby the woman carefully examines the offer for any hidden costs or landmines that acts againts her best interests. This is why the only way to lose someone's interest in the sale is by framing your value inauthentically.

When you lie or put up a front, you're just mimicking and trying to cheat her into believing that you're higher value than you actually are. When she finds out (shit test), she retracts her offer and you get exposed for the phoney you are.

Unfortunately, most pickup philosophies teaches not on becoming a high value man, but focuses on teaching how to frame yourself in the "correct way" in order to deceive as many buyers (women) as possible. Not only that, it also attempts to create as many concessions as possible (sex) before she fully understands what she is signing up for.

Does this mean that pickup is evil? No. Pickup is a tool, and the results the tool creates depends on the user of the tool. Every single person requires the skills of pickup, consciously or subconsciously to 1) convey and market their value and 2) frame it authentically (non-manipulative, transparent, creates a win-win outcome).

What does this mean in practice? This means that you'll have more rejection, less sex, less dating opportunities. The grand outcome for your noble sacrifice is the ability to sort and find (pickup) the perfect partner who loves you for the rest of your life.

Authenticity is the most important thing in any dating philosophy. Whoever that tells you otherwise is a master of faking value and playing games, which then leads to unsustainability (break ups, fustration, inability to find a partner). The sustainable way to date is via authenticity, so that your value is infinite when presented to the right buyer, which is the ultimate guarentee of great outcome.

The Asymmetrical Levers To Pull

Knowing and understanding this creates very real and practical advice in which you should implement today. I shall discuss them now, one by one.

First, honesty and authenticity creates outsized returns for the costs and downsides it creates (the many people it will push away). Through honesty, we frame our value appropriately. Through authenticity, we correctly offer the right thing up for sale, us, which has infinite value.

Second, our value creates another aspect of outsized returns. By increasing our value through self-improvement, we become more mature as an individual. Women recognize this by having sex with us in hopes for commitment, because they want to be a part of your future.

The way you get leads (pickup) comes into play as an asymetrical lever in the discovery process. Pickup intorduces you to nightgame, daygame, social circle and online game, which increases your competition (pre-selection) in order to get higher, more attractive bids with more concessions (speed of escalation).

Escalation is another asymmetrical lever we pull when we think that we have found "the right one." Ecalation to expedite the sale to "closing" (relationship) when we believe that we have found "the perfect deal." Understand that sex is like putting down a 20% deposit to show that you're serious, so it is an essential part of the commitment process.

Where this goes wrong is by abusing and misusing the asymetrical levers to selfishly advance your own survival agenda at the costs of others. These uncompassionate and unconscious behaviours will then lead to terrible outcomes to your mental health in the form of guilt, regret and depression.

Knowing all of this, is it fair to use pickup to have sex with women and then not hold up your end of the deal? (commitment). Unless you have framed it clearly that you are only there to have sex, then you're abusing your powers. Most people will not do what I've just said because most people are not high value enough to cause such concessions from high quality women. By not taking heed to this paragraph right here, you will never find commitment and happiness in your dating life. Better read that twice.

Due Diligence

Now that we have fully explored the bid process in detail, I want to explain how the dating market engages itself in the lies, games and deceit from both ends. The games must be played in order to protect the sexes conflicting interests. For men, commitment and for women, sex.

Men actually have a bigger leverage over women, which is why women are more cautious. The reason why is because for women, sex does not guarantee commitment. So once she loses her biggest leverage and power in the negotiation process, she is at the guys mercy to get what she wants (commitment).

So the process of due diligence is the process for women to understand how likely is the man going to hold up his end of the bargain once I give him sex. At the most, during the due diligence process, men can only offer partial commitment in order to not lose his leverage in due diligence. We understand this as escalation.

Escalation is a concession (cost to be paid) from the woman to "explore further." Even if the man really like the girl and wants to offer commitment, he cannot do so because the woman will lose all motivation to escalate, as she already got what she wants. This naturally means that sex must happen first before commitment in order for the transaction to be completed with both parties happy of the outcome.

The asymmetrical levers as we discussed is our ability to shortcut the due diligence process and force concessions early in order to put us at an advantage so that we can create a more favorable terms (giving up sex at a lower likelihood of commitment). This does not mean that we uphold the terms, it just means that we secure the deal (sex) with responsibility so that we can have control later on (relationship).

The reason why we do not want to give this control to women is because they did not study in detail what you're reading right now. It is highly doubtful that women will read over 100,000 words of how to become fulfilled and satisfied in a relationship. This is why you must have the control so that the woman doesn't "fuck it up" and allow you to consciously take responsibility and push the outcome towards happiness for both ends (attractive as well since you're leading).

How Value Is Perceived

Expectations drive a lot of decisions within the market. Women generally understand what kind of value they are able to capture, so if they shoot for too high, then the men they choose will not commit to them. If too low, they don't find him attractive.

The more experienced a woman is, the more realistic her expectations tends to be. This is why as you become more and more niched into your authenticity, less and less women will be attracted to you. It is only those who really understand what they are looking for that will realize that the value you bring is infinite, and vice versa.

The less experienced a woman is, the more she will outsource these expectations to someone else. For example, social media or her friends, which makes these expectations rather unrealistic and superficial. This will cause her to expand the definition of attractiveness to include a wider variety of men.

In this sense you are no different to women in that you perceive value in the same way. If you are inexperienced, then you will most likely respond to any good looking woman who walks past you, whereas if you are more experienced, you will only respond to specific women with a certain set of values/personality.

So to project our value properly to attract the right people requires us to niche down into our authenticity by really understand ourselves, so that we may attract experienced women into our lives. This is not possible without some trial and error, usually a discovery process after dating 20 or so women.

The more experienced you are, the less women you will find attractive. This is normal and expected as you have now realized reading this chapter. It is a good sign that you have niched down into your authenticity, which raises your value when shown to the right woman.

When it occurs, I recommend that you scale back on your investment into learning dating and relationships. You are now a competent individual in the dating market, and you should be ready to strike when the opportunity arrives. You might come to realize that you have already missed a dozen opportunities, but now you are vigilant, mature and ready. Stop being distracted and finally introduce the person you want into your life forever.

Conclusion

I hope you leave with a great top-down understanding of how the dating market works, in recap:

1. The dating market is an first-price sealed bid auction
2. We learnt that the first component is inherent value, which is gained by niching down into your authenticity
3. After that, we must convey our value to the market so that we acquire bids. This is reflected in "lead generation stratergies" such as cold approach/social circle/online.
4. Third, because the market has asymmetric designs that disadvantage women, a process of due diligence called comfort is initiated between two interested parties.
5. Lastly, the outcome of due diligence results in a decision which is shaped by expectations. Expectations are a result of experience.

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FriendlyWrenChilling.