The Ultimate Guide To Online Dating
Everything you need to know to date online successfully.
I define online dating as any method that gets you dates passively through your phone. We'll go through the apps, how to build your own social media profile and the most intresting option - fame. Let's begin.
Dating Apps
To succeed on dating apps, two criteria must be met:
- Be in the top 20% of profiles
- Pay (as a man)
Apps are superficial in nature. This means to become the top 20% of profiles, you need to have good photos. Even if you’re ‘average,’ good lighting and Lightroom skills can make your photos excellent. After editing, use photofeeler and try your best to get 8 and above on all your photos.
To know when to open your wallet and pay platforms your money, just observe and swipe on your free profile. Do you get attractive matches? If yes, then your profile is good enough to upgrade.
Think of dating apps like advertisers. Meta cannot guarentee that you will get results from advertising on their platform, but they will try their best because they want you to keep spending more money. The same concept applies here, once you pay your interest with the dating app becomes alligned.
This now means that you will get more views with a paid account. By having an attractive profile, you capture a % of those extra views as matches. Remember that apps only help with effective distribution, not the effectiveness of our profile. How effective our profile will be is dependent on the competition we face againts other profiles.
Dating App Setup
Each app has their own culture, and to succeed within that culture our profile should reflect the users of that app's values. For example, if you set up a boyfriend profile on Tinder, your results will be lackluster. If you setup a player profile on Hinge, you're going to lose to the boyfriends there.
So think carefully how you want to present yourself on each app and represent yourself accordingly. The first picture should always be the most attractive potrait of you. Beyond this, there are no real ‘techniques’ for online dating
Focus less on ‘gaming’ the app and more on steadily improving your photos over time. The only thing that matters is how good you look in the pictures when trying to break into the top 20% of profiles.
Instagram Setup
I think social media is a great asset especially when you're dealing with social circle or just providing that little bit more of attractiveness for the post cold approach. Nevertheless, orient yourself properly because social media only purpose, is to pre-install DHVs among your prospects.
The photos you post on social media will shape the perception of the women who find you attractive, because often, they will stalk the social media of the guy they like and imagine what kind of future she will have with him. Knowing this, our social media should reflect our personality, interests and values.
Let's discuss some common mistakes:
- Do not post suggestive pictures that you're a "sexual man" in your social media unless the girl you're posting is your long term girlfriend.
- Do not post pictures that misrepresent you or DLVs yourself, your profile should reflect who you want to be as a person, and therefore inspiring to you.
- Do not post things of irrelavance, such as going to the cafe, or announcing what types of food you're eating
- Do not post too much of one type of photo, photos should be diverse in style, asthethic and meaning
- Do not have nothing on your profile. Minimum 9 posts on the grid and a few bubbles (stories)
- Do not post or say things that looks staged. There is no need to show off
- Do not post images of you that looks unflattering in any way shape or form
- Don’t model yourself on cliques, your profile should be distinct and authentic
- Do not make other people the focus of your profile
The quality of your profile you should aspire for is similar to the influencers you see online. Emulate how they carefully craft their appearance and persona online but instead of optimizing it for advertisements, we optimize it for authenticity and the life you actually aspire to.
Remember, the mindset when dealing with our profile is from the perspective of how we want women to imagine herself when they are with us. You need to be able to foreshadow what her life will be like with you, through your Instagram.
Women who are romantically interested in you will actively engage with your profile over and over again. You'll often see the same women consistently liking your photos, so keep that in mind.
Photography Principes
Learn how to deal with a DSLR. Learn how to control light with aperture, ISO, and shutter speed. Eventually, you'll be able to manipulate these three values to give a "feel" to the image.
Once you are able to capture beautiful pictures, learn how to use lightroom. Without lightroom, you will not be able to create beautiful images. Learn how to color grade, mask, crop, frame and white balance your photos.
Also know how to pose, have a few go to natural movements and get your buddy to take multiple photos at once. It's not uncommon to take 400+ photos before you get the perfect shot to edit post production. As you and your camera buddy get better, you should be able to shoot less to get the shot you need.
Fame
Fame is any means of using your reputation to attract women before you even meet them. This definition makes it very diverse, you could have fame offline just locally speaking at small niche events, or have fame through media distribution using Instagram, YouTube etc.
At the smallest scale, pre-selection is one type of fame. Your reputation inferred from other women who is attracted around you implies that you are an attractive person. Same goes for your public persona when utilizing the "fame" method, showing to the world that you do many attractive and interesting things makes you attractive.
At a bigger scale, we need to build a personal brand within a niche to expand our reach. You will have to learn a medium of distribution and start creating your presence online. Really, it can be anything, just make sure that you have expertise with what you're talking about so that you can stand out.
How fame works is that you build a parasocial connection with your audience, which will then lead them to reach out in DMs. From here, you can take this into a social circle perspective where you host events and invite people to activities. From the social circle then, we isolate and bring her out to dates.
It is crucial that you do not use fame like cold approach. Fame is simply only the way to meet people, just like how you would behave when your friends in social circle introduce you to their friends. We must move the connection offline, into social circle, then dates.
Fame > Social Circle > Build Attraction > Isolate (M2W) > Dates
Texting
Remember the level of buy in signals in texting? If you do not know please refresh your knowledge here. Those buy-in signals are important to know when it comes to texting because texting is often your first point of contact in online dating.
For women to reach out and text you first indicates a very high interest level. For fame, as long as the buy in remains high, you can often take them out into real life by inviting them into social circle events. In the case of dating apps, you invite them directly into dates.
Building A Brand
At the heart of your social media profile and building your fame is your personal brand. You have a personal brand right now! People you've met across associated you to different things depending on how you have presented yourself.
The top mistake for building a personal brand is to create an external image based on how you want to be perceived by other people. A good example of a person who have done this right is Richard Brandson, this man is exactly the same online as well as offline when you meet him in person.
You must not pose and posture in your branding. Be authenthic and let yourself be the dictator of authority. All public figures will receive criticism to some regard, just block them if you find them irritating. Remember that your branding is an important step to consider deeply, as you do not want to cause mismatch of personalities when you schedule dates.
Ethics In Deploying Fame As A Method
There is an ethical consideration when it comes to "sleeping with your fans." I do not recommend that you do so, as it unfairly puts the woman at a disadvantage in the process via authority bias. The appropriate use of fame should be that of networking and dating with your peers, not your fans.
The proper use of fame is more so to delight and peak the interest of any girl that might be interested in you through other means (CA, SC). They are not fantasizing about you online like a k-pop idol, but more so just knows who you are and finds you attractive on a peer to peer level of respect.
Also, don’t build fame solely for dating. Your online presence should also serve other purposes, such as promoting your business, marketing your work, sharing ideas and content you enjoy creating or using your platform to support causes you believe in.
Fame has a lot of traps you can unknowingly wander into. Use common sense and have a strong ethical guardrail if you want to use fame.
Conclusion
When done correctly, online can bring a massive volume of dates and women interested in finding out more. With cold approach and social circle, you’re limited to who’s in front of you, but online has no such restrictions.
That's it for me. Best of luck. Please check out my other posts and practice everything holistically. Send me an email if you want a specific topic written. You can see "coaching" to see if I have room to onboard new students.
Cheers,
FriendlyWrenChilling.