The Collapse Of Meaning As Motivation - Dating Beyond Survival Through Purpose

If you are advanced enough in your journey, eventually you will hit a wall. The wall will question why you are taking all these effort to attract and seduce women in the first place. This question is existential in nature as we will soon discover, and I will guide you towards a solution in which you can find meaning in your actions again. Let's begin.

The Collapse Of Survival

The reason why you have lived with so much engagement was because you had survival needs. These survival needs pushed you outwards and caused you to engage in outwards action in an attempt to fulfill those needs. We will explore what are these needs later on.

But once you have these needs sorted out, the meaning in why you should date the opposite sex loses its motivation. Effectively, you have placed less importance on yourself, and since fulfilling your desires and needs were the primary motivation for action before, you lose all sense of meaning.

You might now come to find that your survival in itself is rather boring, and you want a purpose and meaning which is beyond yourself. This greater meaning is essentially blocked by your own boundaries, as you are yet to switch your operating system from an egocentric system to a cosmic system.

Fulfilment and boundaries are existentially connected. The less boundaries I have againts something, the more I find it meaningful. So the reason as to why you have lost all meaning is because you're operating from the boundaries in which its designed to protect your individuality.

If you do not have the courage to drop your psychological armour and give up your life to something greater than yourself, you will be stuck. The old meaning found in survival, desires and needs have no appeal, and yet there is no new meaning for your life because there is a refusal to love someone as an extension of yourself. This then becomes textbook nihilism.

The Three Motivations For Survival Based Relationships

What does dating for survival exactly mean? What kind of needs were you fulfilling within yourself? And how come these reasons have suddenly lost their appeal? All humans, when dating for survival subconciously date for one of these three primary needs.

• Needs

50% of the global population dates the opposite sex for their personal needs. Your life is in some way unstable financially, psychologically or physically. You want a reliable and consistent way in which you can get these needs fulfilled through the other person. This is where the people who focus on sex and money lives.

• Status

There is a second class of people, 30% of the global population, who dates the opposite sex for status. Essentially, they treat the opposite sex like a prize, and are used to "show off" to the world as a way to compensate for their poor self-image. If you date for status, the main concern is always how good-looking your partner is.

• Emotional Regulation

The last class of people, 15% of the global population dates the opposite sex because they want to share a life with someone emotionally. These people are often hippies and want to "grow together" and do personal development with another person. If you date for emotional regulation, the main concern will always be emotional compatibility.

The problem with these types of relationships is that once a person experiences growth, their personal needs change and they lose the foundation on why the relationship existed in the first place. Slowly, this will eventually cause decay and lead to a breakup later on.

So the reason why you have lost all reason to date the opposite sex is because you've put down all these three needs, and have found a way to fulfil them within yourself. This will put you in a unique class of people, approximately 5% of the global population who dates the opposite sex beyond survival motivations.

Why Personal Needs Have Lost Their Appeal

In essence, why you have lost interest in the three aforementioned needs is due to stability. In some way, you have found a way to grant these things to yourself. Psychologically, you find the need for sex and money to be a burden, you stopped comparing yourself with other people for status, and you recognize that growth is most efficient when done alone.

So this puts you in a unique position where you have no needs pushing you to do anything. So now the world has became your playground and for the first time, you gain sovereignty over yourself by doing things out of choice rather than compulsion and reaction.

In experience, this does not feel like how fantastic this sounds. It will only be fantastic in hindsight. Right now you might be struggling with life purpose, low energy and an inability to mobilize yourself to do anything. However, you must not confuse this for victimhood. Currently your lack of activity is not caused by a lack of competence, but by a lack of compulsion and neediness.

This is a good time to retreat and spend time alone in nature for a few months. Just be comfortable and relaxed doing nothing in particular. Allow yourself time for a new vision to form, and a purpose which is beyond your self-interest. Explore new activities and learn to act without meaning.

Core Skills To Find Your Life Purpose

A life purpose is constantly changing. It is not the fact that once you have decided what you want to do that you will commit yourself to that vision for your entire life. You will make some adjustments on the way as your clarity sharpens. These skills will aid your journey into clarity.

• Handling Paradox

Two simultaneous truths can be accepted at the same time. The source of meaning need not to be constructed for a single purpose. Why handling paradox is important is because you must simultaneously handle your survival and keep yourself alive, while fulfilling the greater purpose of your mission.

These two things are often in conflict. For example, how much resources should be allocated towards your personal survival and the mission itself? Is having personal desires selfish or is sacrificing myself needlessly a threat to my mission? You must be able to hold paradox in tandem and fulfill both requirements at the same time.

• Boundary Dissolution

For me to love and care for something fully, there needs to be zero seperation between how I see myself and how I see the other. What this means is that I consciously drop my boundaries and choose to experience you as an extension of myself. My individuality as trancended by physical nature and included something else.

The reason as to why boundary dissolution is important is because you cannot create new meaning within the confines of your existing boundaries. The reason the nihilism came the in the first place is due to the exhaustion of meaning in your current self. It is time to expand.

• Devotion And Surrender

Have trust that life will unfold itself, and that you do not need to be neurotic every step of the way. The next natural step will always reveal itself, you'd just have to do it. If the next step is not avaliable, then explore what you find interesting. If you find nothing interesting, just keep your eyes open and wait for something interesting.

The time will pass eitherway, there is no need to rush. If life is a competition you can elect to die right now so you can experience what it is like to be a winner. If you live your life for results, then you will experience very little joy in your life. Results are important, and you should do only the things that work, but it doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your wellbeing on the way.

• Build Your Vision

For life to unfold in a way that you want, you have to set an intention of where you want to go. Only when you seed your vision into your subconcious, that can it magically unfold itself like magic. If this seeding does not exist, then you are a sailor lost at sea.

Write down the current limitations you face in your life in a nice list, and see ways in which you can transcend and overcome these limitations within the next 5 years. Whether these limitations comes from your financial, physical or emotional situation, breaking your limitations is what makes life exciting!

A New Motivation

You might be reading all of this and wondering how this will help you regain purpose in dating women. Well, I have already provided you the answer! Once you have a compelling vision you want to build, wont you want to share this fantastic life with someone else?

This will create a new and tremendous motivation to date the opposite sex. However, dating will no longer become necessary in your life. It could be an option. If you do not find the partner whom shares your vision and is ready to commit to it, then just stay single and work on it yourself.

Eitherway if you revert back to survival based relationships, this will only cause trouble and fustration to yourself. If at any moment survival temporarily regain a grasp on you, always slow down, focus on your breath and remind yourself of your vision. That alone will help you avoid a lot of unecessary detours along the way.

Living Without Compulsion: The New Axis Of Action

How do we take action if we have no compulsion or desire? This is where the role of a cosmic identity arrives. If we exist not for the purpose of surviving as an individual life, but by expanding the survival likelihoods of other lives, the compassionate nature of the human being would take over.

Common motivations for post-survival action includes:

• Shielding and minimizing the suffering of life and creation
• Building and creating a better world emotionally, psychologically and physically for the next generation of beings
• Being a steward of responsibility, protecting important institutions to maintain dharma and the integrity of society.
• Transmitting and ensuring important knowledge be passed unto the next generation.
• Giving back proportionally to what one has taken. Serving the lives of others in recognition that your life is complete.

Survival asks: "What do I get?" What you will get is nothing, and that you will die. Post-survival action asks, "How can I give myself away." By giving everything for the benefit of other beings, you will leave with all the love, fulfillment and completeness that you would ever want and more!

A Life Without Separation

Your loss of interest in dating and relationships is not isolated, it is universal. When a person have burnt through the necessary amount of desire to see that whatever he does will lead to unhappiness, naturally a new operating system must come alive.

It is time to recognize that your life is complete. Everything important that you have wanted to do has been done, and anything extra that you might want to do remains optional. May truth down upon you, in which that reality is not seperate, but incredibly intimate. So intimate, that we may never survive without one another.

That's it for me. Best of luck. Please check out my other posts and practice everything holistically. Send me an email if you want a specific topic written. You can see "coaching" to see if I have room to onboard new students.

Cheers,
FriendlyWrenChilling.