How To Niche Down Into Your Unique Style Of Pickup - Importance Of Congruence

Congruence is one of the most important concepts in pickup by a fair mile. The techniques that is taught will not be effective for you if you do not pair it with your authenticity. Today we will talk about how to integrate congruence in your pickup style so that you can get more results and enjoy the process better.

Congruence Is Closely Linked To Value

The explanation of why people manipulate and deceive the opposite sex is because their sexual market value (SMV) is not high enough to meet the standards of the target they wish to obtain. Therefore, these people must sacrifice congruence to "fake value."

I would like to suggest to you that this is indeed the wrong way to approach life. This is so common among PUAs and AFCs alike, that women have designed sophisticated bullshit meters and intuitive methods to sense these fakers out.

Stop wasting time designing sophisticated ways to cheat and fool the opposite sex. You ain't fooling anyone, especially the high-value mature women who can just see through you like you're transparent. Take your energy and creativity to seek a permanent solution instead.

This permanent solution comes in the form of increasing your true value. In doing so you are able to utilize congruence to the fullest degree without DLVing yourself. That will just immediately solve 50% of your problems.

Some may define congruence as to "line up" your internal state with the external world, this definition already exist. His name is calibration. The stance I take on congruence is the projection of your inner value. Please refer to my post on how to build true value first, because you certainly don't want to be projecting low value.

Self Deception

Nobody is above self deception. Without the help of self-deception, we would have committed suicide a long time ago due to the lack of coping mechanisms. The bad news is unfortunately that self-deception is counterproductive to congruence.

Congruence best utilized is to project the best qualities that we innately have. Try your best to catch yourself on the interesting stories and narratives you tell yourself, because you can't be congruent if you don't even know who you are.

Could you consider the fact that what you're telling yourself is in fact false? Because if it is the truth, you would have already obtained what you wanted a long time ago. Could it be that your desires is a result of culture instead of authenticity?

The best way to combat self-deception is to consider and entertain many different perspectives. Even perspectives that seem "crazy." You do not need to believe and integrate these perspectives, but simply just open your mind and extract whatever truth you can find from them.

The Nature Of Relative Truth And Perspectives

For someone to hold a strong belief and truth about something, they must have some part of reality correct. Even if it is 0.001% truthful, that is still a part of the truth you can extract and integrate.

As previously discussed, no perspective is 100% truthful due to self-deception. Therefore, it is your job to combine perspectives in such a way where we get closest to the truth.

Why the truth is important in this case is becasue congruence must come from a position of authenticity. We cannot project our true authenticity when we are shrouded with self-deception hiding us from our true potential.

Congruence Prelude

The reason on why we have made the extensive effort to discuss about authenticity and the problems and challenges when it comes to obtaining authenticity is because we cannot fully utilize congruence in the most effective way before we do so.

How I will be proposing to use congruence will be to change your style of pickup to get exactly what you want out of this persuit. Once you get the fundamentals of pickup right, you can morph it into whatever kind of monster you want it to become.

First you want to start thinking about what is the type of woman you want. Second, you will have to figure out how to meet and find them. Third, you will have to learn how to project this inner value through the use of your congruence to attract this specific type of woman. Fourth, you will have to figure out how to repel women that is not your ideal type. Answer those four questions and use the following principles to project congruence. Let's begin!

Principle #1 - Transparency

Aim to be 100% truthful in how you talk with women, not only will this sound like a proper disqualification, it also helps that you will come across as "chill and friendly" in the way you present yourself without looking boastful when it comes time to DHV.

Transparency also helps us quickly identify who might find us to be husband material. You will enlist judgment from those whom you will never work out with in the first place, and receive praise and attraction from women who would choose to marry you. It quickly weeds out women you should not waste your time with.

Following this principle of transparency requires some guts when it comes to your vulnerability. Often, we like to see ourselves in a "specific light" (self-deception), and you need to honestly confront what you are and what you are not.

Principle #2 - Inner Voice

More often than not, you will know what to do and what not to do in-field. Trust your inner voice to make the right decisions for you. That little inner voice you have is the collective experience you have in pickup.

Naturally, with more experience comes a more accurate inner voice. But still, it is not wise to ignore our past mistakes. Even if your inner voice is wrong, there is no way you would be able to make the right decision anyway.

By listening and trusting what the inner voice says, we can line up our actions to what we actually feel inside. This way we can behave in a way thats congruent, with no "conflicting desires."

Principle #3 - Style Integration

You will have some tendencies, strengths and weaknesses when it comes to your pickup skills. I want you to notice that and start adapting your style of pickup to what you are naturally gifted at.

A good example of this, is the question to whether a direct approach or an indirect approach would work better. Well, this is a question for congruence. For some, approaching direct will appeal more to their natural strengths and therefore, they get better results with going direct. Vice versa also applies.

Similarly, there are thousands of ways you can change the way you do pickup depending on what you are naturally gifted at. My techniques and how I elaborate my techniques in FriendlyWrenChilling might not be congruent for you, and you make find a way to alter and modify the techniques I highlight in a way that does.

Principle #4 - Zero People Pleasing

If you want to be congruent, you can't be a peoples pleaser. Overthinking is the number one way to destroy your congruence. To help you reframe this problem, a lot of people think they have to become a rude person when they stop peoples pleasing, but that is not the case.

Peoples pleasing is when you change the overall message to not face social backlash. What I am saying here is that you need not change the message of what you say, but repackage it in a way where it is more socially acceptable.

If I want to highlight that an idea is "very stupid." I need not to say it is "very stupid" in a monotone way, which will offend others. Instead, I can sarcastically joke and say "very smart", highlighting the stupidity with some body language and tone of voice, but I still deliver the same message "very stupid" packaged in a socially acceptable comedic tone.

Principle #5 - Be Proud Of Who You Are

Embarrassment to impose your personality will destroy your congruence. Best to own the space and have a sense of entitlement for your presence. Go in and be as weird as you want to be, as long as it's authentic, it's valid.

Fear not to be judged. Nobody is "better" or "below" you. This is just silly status games humans play with each other. Their judgment reflects more of their insecurities rather than who you genuinely are.

Be careful to not take this overboard however. Usually in the process of reclaiming control over how we want to express ourselves, we become too obnoxious and blow ourselves out of proportion. Seek a balance between social cohesion and individuality.

Conclusion

In summary, we have identified congruence to be a projection of true value. We have spoken extensively on self-deception and how to solve it. After we "get clear" on what we want, we utilize the 5 principles of congruence to "attract" the type of woman we want directly to our doorstep.

That's it for me. Best of luck. Please check out my other posts and practice everything holistically. Send me an email if you want a specific topic written. You can see "coaching" to see if I have room to onboard new students.

Cheers,
FriendlyWrenChilling.