Developing Confidence

Confidence should be the first emotion you can reliably cultivate into your life. Because just like how you would reject women for being too ugly, women will reject you for being un-confident.

Confidence is a non-negotiable for women. In this article, I want to go down all the ways I have used to develop my confidence to make the development of confidence less nebulous. Let's begin.

Think The Way You Want To Think

In order to achieve the intended result, you must think in a certain way for that result to manifest in the real world. In my post "optimism", it explains that our thoughts becomes visualizations, and visualizations becomes our emotions. Emotions control your behaviour.

Confidence is not a personality trait like how many people would frame it. Confidence are emotions, just like sadness, happiness and so on. By thinking in the right way, and therefore visualizing the right things, the feelings of confidence is guarenteed.

To start feeling confident, the first thing you must do is to start to control your thoughts. I am sure that if you analyze and write down your thoughts for the next 20 minutes, you will realize how many negative and unproductive thoughts you have right now!

However delusional, think the thoughts you want to think. You can choose what you want to think, and by thinking things in a positive manner, whereby the you are 100% sure of the outcome of your venture, the emotions of confidence will follow you into the interaction.

Elimination Of Uncertainty

Confidence comes from certainty, and certainty is the elimination of uncertainty. You can eliminate uncertainty by having a lot of specific experience. The reason why experience has to be "specific" is because it has to relate directly with the thing you want to be confident at.

The uncertainty arises from your inability to make different distinctions. If you have encountered every single possibility in the thing you're doing, then there can be no surprise.

Therefore this means by default, you will have to start from a position of unconfidence, and that you will have to build towards confidence by gaining more and more experience. By result, eliminating uncertainty through exposure.

Another way you can reduce uncertainty is to educate yourself. Good education gives you to the confidence to know that you're doing the right thing, and allow you to trust the process and evaluate yourself based on metrics rather than results.

At the beginning of anything great is education. Without educating yourself, you simply do not have the tools needed to get the experience you need. What are these "tools" you ask? - they are the new and novel ideas experienced people can implant into your mind.

New Ideas > The Seeking Of Experience > Developing Skills > Developing Predictable Results > Certainty > Competence > Confidence.

Decisiveness And Courage

Trusting yourself to make good decisions is another pillar of confidence. I defined the definition of wisdom as the ability to consistently make good decisions. Develop your wisdom, and cultivate the courage to act upon your intuition.

You develop your wisdom by learning principles of which you act upon, from those principles, you build systems that can generate you predictable results. The best way to know when your principles are weak is when you have unpredictable results. Every single system in this universe, operates on a set of core principles that are true.

Once you have discovered these principles, usually through a combination of experience and education, you can then muster up your courage and decisively take action upon those principles, and saying no to everything else.

New Ideas > The Seeking Of Experience > Developing Skills > Developing Predictable Results > Certainty > Competence > Confidence.

Reinforcing Self Image And Lack Of Conflicting Interests

A reinforcing self-image that reinforces what you're doing in the external world reduces friction in your certainty and conviction. When your beliefs tell you one thing, and your willpower telling you to do another, it will not lead to a very productive result otherwise knows as conflicting interests.

Self image and conflicting interests (the battle of the subconscious and the ego) is mostly resolved in inner/shadow work. Think of self image as your "baseline", whenever your external reality deviates from the inner reality, resistance kicks in so that you return to baseline. This is why I didn't say positive self image, but a reinforcing one.

Whatever results that it is you have in your life right now is a result of you current self-image reinforcing you to stay there. If you can manage to change your self image, then subconsciously you will work towards what you believe you are entitled to.

We can only act with confidence within the confines of our self image, to become more confident with women, you must expand your self image to include reinforcing beliefs that leads to success with women. This way your subconscious does the heavy lifting and you will be deemed as "confident."

Detachment

When we place our self image at the mercy of the external world (results), your confidence will swing violently up and down depending on the season of results you are currently receiving in the external world.

Develop a sense of detachment on your results with women. Learn to care and focus on the getting of the results, but be okay if you don't receive them. Independence of outcome preserves the self image safe at home so that we can act with more decisiveness.

Resiliency To Future Shocks

A core part of "baseline" confidence comes down to resilience. You get resilience by having a long history of pushing past your comfort zones and suceeding. This will be discussed in a bit on the next chapter, "self-esteem"

If you have a long history of faliure, you need to start cultivating discipline in order to create overwhealming amounts of positive reference experiences. Our mind infers the future using our past, so either you release the trauma you have in the past or you start creating a new reality of success.

The reason why this is important is because we will subconsciously seek to play defensive when we are expecting failure in order to shield ourselves from any additional trauma. Playing "for the win" requires us to become vulnerable, and we are only willing to open up when we have certainty of the future.

Self Esteem

In Nathaniel Branden's book, The Six Pillars Of Self Esteem, he talks about the two components of self esteem (self-efficacy and self-respect). Self efficacy refers to our confidence to learn and do what is needed to succeed. Self respect refers to the acceptance of oneself, the feeling that you are enough.

Here are some signs that you lack self-efficacy:

1. Victimhood thinking
2. External locus of control
3. Succumbing to resistance

Here are some signs that you lack self-respect:

1. Peoples pleasing
2. You reject yourself before the outcome even occured
3. You are easily influenced and defeated by words

How much self-esteem do you need to have? Well, the answer to this is never enough. You can never have enough self esteem, and you can cultivate your self esteem to grow bigger and bigger. The more you have, the better.

Conclusion

With enough confidence, it becomes charisma. This article may seem packed because it is, I have condensed down years and years of reserach and experience into a measely 1,200 words. Confidence will take time for you to cultivate, be patient and work on one aspect of confidence everyday.

That's it for me. Best of luck. Please check out my other posts and practice everything holistically. Send me an email if you want a specific topic written. You can see "coaching" to see if I have room to onboard new students.

Cheers,
FriendlyWrenChilling.