All Approaching Excuses And Limiting Beliefs Debunked

Behold! I have returned to write about beginner topics. After some time of coaching and reading many of your difficulties, I've compiled a list of approach anxiety limiting beliefs and excuses. I will try to debunk them one by one just like how I do it in coaching.

Note that everyone will have different limiting beliefs and execuses, I will try to generalize some of the execuses and limiting beliefs together so that you can roughly group it together. Let me know if you want me to add on things I did not talk about. Let's begin!

#1 -"I Can't Approach Because I Am Distrubing People"

This is a self-esteem issue. If I were to come up to you with $1,000 and say it's all yours, would you think I am disturbing you? Similarly, with this belief, you believe you are disturbing people because you view yourself as a nuisance rather than a value add to the interaction.

The long-term way to fix this is to increase your true value to the point where you think that you, rejecting yourself is a stupid idea. Learn to become a massive value provider in a relationship.

The long-term permanent solution might not be accessible to you. So, as a short-term solution, becoming confident in your approaches and having evidence that women enjoy and appreciate your approaches will be helpful for you to make the shift to a value provider rather than a nuisance.

#2 - "I Can't Approach Because There Is All These People Around Me"

This is caused by peoples pleasing. The reason of why you care about the opinions and judgments of strangers around you is because you are afraid that they will label you accurately in a way that you have rejected.

So for example, you know that your approaches are creepy, but to mobilize yourself to even do one approach in the first place requires you to reject this identity. So what you're actually afraid of, is getting this label that deep down you know is true, but you don't want to admit it.

Let's say I call you a creep. The solution then, is to look around you. Did anything change? If I am a creep, well, then nothing has changed. If I'm not a creep, well, nothing has changed either. I was the same 30 minutes ago, and I am the same right now.

Identity can change, and you are attempting to change it right now by approaching. Unlike others who sit on their ass and open their mouth, you are on the field doing the hard work. Your masculinity is too weak if you are emotionally reactive to what others say about you.

#3 - "I Can't Approach Because There Is Simply No Available Women Around Me"

This is not your fault, but the moment you realize this is the time you should consider moving. Move to a bigger city that can sustain 100 approaches a month. Ideally, choose a city that refreshes itself constantly, with new people coming in and out.

I am not telling you to move there permanently, nor am I telling you to sustain 100 approaches per month. A lot of what people do is that they move and do pickup seriously for one or two years, after that they just use their skills passively as opportunities come.

#4 - "I Can't Approach Because She Seems Like She Won't Like Me For XYZ Reason"

Whatever she seems like, it is not your job to evaluate what she likes. Are you a mind reader? How do you know what she likes and don't like? This reflects more on your insecurities and ideas about life rather than reality.

Not to say that your ideas about life are right or wrong, but it is the girls job to evaluate us. We simply present ourselves and give her the opportunity to say yes or no. We don't make this decision on her behalf.

#5 - "I Can't Approach Because I Am Afraid That XYZ Situation Will Occur"

This is happening because of your negative visualization of the worst outcome possible. Our mind likes to exaggerate worst-case scenarios when we don't know what to expect.

There is no way to stop worrying, it's just human nature. What you can do however, is to positively worry about your situation instead of negatively worrying. Worry about how great your approach will be, worry about how excited the girl will be when you approach.

What you will notice is that that the anxiety is coming from the visualization. When you positively worry, suddenly, you are now inspired to take action instead of trembling in anxiety and fear. Whatever you visualize, it will become your reality. Remmeber that. It's not some new age woo woo stuff.

#6 - "I Can't Approach Because My Society And Culture Is Somehow Against Me And Pickup"

As long as you are not from Afghanistan or North Korea, society and culture is not an excuse to not approach. Again, this reflects more so on your insecurities and ideas about life rather than reality.

Pickup has worked all over the world. I made it work in Malaysia, a small Muslim third-world country with a population of 2 million. Are you seriously telling me that pickup will not work in your liberalized Western first-world countries? Don't make me laugh, I'll go over there and take all your women.

Society and culture is only a generalization. In any society, there will be liberal and conservative women. Perhaps at most, it will just hamper the results you will get as a whole. Regardless, you will attract similarly minded women anyways, so why does it matter?

#7 - "I Can't Approach Because I Have Other More Important Stuff Going On"

Pickup like anything else is a commitment. If you want to achieve a noble goal like getting a girlfriend, then you will have to make some sacrifices in the other domains of life and allocate more time and attention into pickup.

If you deem the other things as more important, then hold off on your goals in pickup temporarily. Once you do so, stop thinking about pickup entirely and get whatever's more important settled. AI robots don't exist yet for you to focus on two things at once.

#8 - "I Cannot Approach Because I Need ABC Conditions Before I Can Do So"

This is a problem of "The Wanting Mind." The real problem is the anxiety, even if by a stroke of luck your conditions got satisfied, you just end up creating more and more conditions to satisfy before you can do the approach.

If that's the case, just approach without any criteria whatsoever. Stop listening to your monkey mind and realize that all these conditions are just an illusion! You are paying a painful cost to save your feelings in exchange for the future you want.

Remember, there is no such thing as the conditions on when to approach. The best time to approach is now, regardless of the conditions. Any conditions you put up is an illusion of the mind to save your feelings.

#9 - "I Do Not Feel The Need To Approach Because I Am Finding Significant Success"

Once you get good, you will feel "satisfied" with the girls in your orbit. Perhaps you have a few dates lined up, and things are going well. This is absolutely the worst time to stop approaching.

Why? Because you will be psychologically less needy, and come off as more confident. To be in a position of success, snowballing it further will be your best option. This way you can cycle through women quickly and find the one you truly love.

You don't want to stop the hamster wheel, just to jump start it again later on when the leads dry up (and it will). If you do that, you'll never snowball anything. Do things with focus, and get out of the game as quickly as possible.

#10 - "I Cannot Approach Because I Am Comfortable With My Life And Where I Am"

If this is the case, nothing much can be said. But you have to be ready to give up your goals in pickup if you're unwilling to get out of your comfort zone. Growth is only possible when you explore the unknown.

Exploring the unknown means that you will have to do the unnecessary things, the hard things. Acknowledge that you are comfortable exactly because you have readily made sacrifices in the past, which leads up to the good life you live now.

A wise man however will not wait for an extinction event before getting up to expand his margin of comfort. You stay comfortable for too long and I assure you the problems will arrive at your footsteps with some time.

Conclusion

Sorry that this article is published as the 40th article. I will concentrate my attention on making articles that are helpful to the beginner again. After coaching a dozen people, these were tried and tested ways to help them overcome approach anxiety and I hope that you've made some progress after reading this.

That's it for me. Best of luck. Please check out my other posts and practice everything holistically. Send me an email if you want a specific topic written. You can see "coaching" to see if I have room to onboard new students.

Cheers,
FriendlyWrenChilling.